I like to think of myself as someone who is mature and experienced and whatever. I like to think that I’m wiser and more knowledgeable than most people. But really I’m not. I’m beyond stupid and my work ethnic is terrible. And part of that just stems from the fact that I’ve never developed one to begin with.
I’m a strong believer in the notion that suffering from mistakes or unfortunate events are sometimes the only way to have a person truly understand what they have or what they need to do. A mother bird doesn’t teach a baby bird how to fly, but instead pushes her child off a cliff when she feels like it’s time. The baby bird will, after falling a great distance, spread its wings and soar as if it knew how all along. It may seem cruel but how can a bird learn how to fly if it never experienced the fear of plummeting towards certain death? So how can a person improve if they never feel the need to?
I, as a child, never really had the strict Asian parenting most other Asian children had, but sometimes I wish I did. Because grades were something I chose to pursue on my own, sometimes I was satisfied with something that was clearly not my best. “As long as I’m not the worse” was basically my motto. But that lead to a feeling a complacency. I was almost semi-satisfied or “okay with” the B+’s I got so I never needed to work harder. Cramming the day before or not listening in class was something that I often did. I’ve never experienced the FEAR of failing so I never needed to try harder (or very hard at all).
But after coming to college things became different and I needed to try. Grades mattered and classes were no longer something to scoff at. I can’t just mess around and skip all my classes and still get a B. I’m probably going to fail one of my classes and adding that to my already pitiful grades. My future does not seem very secure.
Sometimes I wish I ended up not getting into UT. That definitely would have been a huge wake up call for me. But no, I was fortunate enough to get in despite being ranked 120 out of 586. 120 out of 586 while most of the kids here are valedictorians of classes of over 1000 people.
I sometimes wish I had suffered more and made more mistakes as a child because learning the lessons now are very very unforgiving.