I hate my English Class

But honestly, I like it (to an extent). It’s interesting and never before has literature caused me to think this much. But as I was completing my tedious bi weekly readings, I came across a great speech. The speaker highlights the point of perception. How do you think? What do you think about? It is the answer to those questions that define your life.

“There happens to be whole, large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration. The parents and older folks here will know all too well what I’m talking about.”

“By way of example, let’s say it’s an average adult day, and you get up in the morning, go to your challenging, white-collar, college-graduate job, and you work hard for eight or ten hours, and at the end of the day you’re tired and somewhat stressed and all you want is to go home and have a good supper and maybe unwind for an hour, and then hit the sack early because, of course, you have to get up the next day and do it all again. But then you remember there’s no food at home….so now after work you have to get in your car and drive to the supermarket. It’s the end of the work day and the traffic is apt to be: very bad. So getting to the store takes way longer than it should, and when you finally get there, the supermarket is very crowded… It’s pretty much the last place you want to be but you can’t just get in and quickly out; you have to wander all over the huge, over-lit store’s confusing aisles to find the stuff you want and you have to maneuver your junky cart through all these other tired, hurried people with carts  and eventually you get all your supper supplies, except now it turns out there aren’t enough check-out lanes open even though it’s the end-of-the-day rush. So the checkout line is incredibly long, which is stupid and infuriating. But you can’t take your frustration out on the frantic lady working the register, who is overworked at a job whose daily tedium and meaninglessness surpasses the imagination of any of us here at a prestigious college.”

And, honestly, most of your life will be this meaningless, deary routine. However, you and I, we have a choice. If I want to spend the time I have while I’m wait in lines thinking about “MY hungriness and MY fatigue and MY desire to just get home, it’s going to seem like everybody else is just in my way. And who are all these people in my way? And look at how repulsive most of them are, and how stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman they seem in the checkout line, or at how annoying and rude it is that people are talking loudly on cell phones in the middle of the line. And look at how deeply and personally unfair this is.”

And I’m afraid to say that most of this is me. I can’t control everything. You can’t control everything. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to change the way we think. It may suck, and it may not be your fault. And I don’t seek to tell others how to think, people can do whatever they want. But if we continue to perceive the world as a medium to satisfy our petty desires and instant gratifications, then we’re just going to be incredibly miserable.

30 Day Challenge: Day 30

Uh. What changed this month and whats going to happen next month?

I dont even understand this topic. What. But I can tell you want’s going to change this month. I WILL SLEEP EARLY. AND WAKE UP EARLY. early is 10 or 11. Waking up early is 7 or 8. I am determined. It may take me a while BUT I WILL DO IT.

uh what will happen next month? I will continue to do what I have decided to do this month.

Honestly this question sucks. I have nothing worthwhile to say. But yeah 30 day Challenge I’m surprised I did it. (i might of missed some days…so i had to make them up but whatever). But I liked how a lot of them forced me to think and it was good. 

But I’m taking this English class and I hate it. It is the worst thing. Worse than High school. What is this. Anyway. I hate it. but I’m learning. The literature actually makes me think in a way I haven’t thought before? Well I guess I’ll see where it goes. But. Firetrucks this class is so much work. 

30 Day Challenge: Day 28

I guess since there is only one month this year. It’d be January. The fed was fun. I really enjoy swing, guys. Also Thursday was just a really good day. one of the best days I’ve had in a while so. Yea. Also I’ve been achieving some goals I’ve been trying to achieve for the last few years. Even though my grades are meh right now I can  say that this year is off to a pretty good start.

30 Day Challenge: Day 27

So. ive been busy kind of and lazy and tired.

But I had too much fun Thursday to write anything and friday I was just lazy. So yeah. Now i have to catch up.

Okay. Talk about my sibling

My sister, Steffi, is pretty cool. She’s an extremely talented artist who doesn’t really listen to anyone. She might not learn from her mistakes the first time…BUT eventually I hope she will. Haha. She’s pretty rash but she’s not the stupid person like everyone believes she is. 

Shes a girl of enormous artistic talent that kind of spreads across all fields. Although her techniques aren’t top-notch, her ability to create new and innovative things is super amazing. She’s also really popular for some reason. But basically she’s my total opposite. 

30 Day Challenge: Day 26

I guess I have the tendency to always think a day ahead. It’s strange because I don’t even remember this topic being on here. ANYWAY

day 26. my religious belief.

Hmm. Out of everything this is the one I’m most afraid to talk about. And it’s not just because it’s a touchy subject but I guess I find myself most vulnerable when I talk about this. (which I guess means that I’m not quite as vulnerable when I talk about other things about myself)

I really want to say that I’m Christian, but I know in the back of my mind I don’t quite accept this as my identity yet. And I guess part of it is because of the many anti-christian views my friends have. Honestly I know they won’t treat me differently but still. But mostly it’s because I’m not sure.

I feel like many people when they say that they have accepted Christ they always say that their worldview or whatever has been changed significantly. And that is how they know for sure. For me, it’s really difficult to tell. Have I really said yes? Or am I just lying to myself? People keep asking me where I am and it is the hardest thing to answer. I don’t have something definitive to tell me that I have accepted Him. It’s not like I don’t believe, because I do and I know for sure He has helped me through countless trials. I know that Jesus is there watching over me.

But, as my friend pointed out yesterday, despite the trust I have for Him, I always feel like I’m so far away. I guess I just don’t know Jesus very well. I know he hears my calls and he sees my pains, but I don’t hear him. And perhaps that’s because I’m not as open as I should be or I just don’t know how. I feel like I am trying my hardest to open my heart, but it seems like something I can’t do by myself.

And I really do want to have a relationship with him. I want to hear where he’s calling me and spread his word and glorify him, but I’m just always unsure if what I hear are his calls or just my own delusions. And over the year I’ve spent on this journey I seem to know a lot more than I used to, but am I really any closer? Maybe all I have gained is knowledge without any gain in faith.

the answer is probably more prayer. But I feel like very few understand?

Also. almost everyone who will read this is Christian. and I feel like I will be judged even if I know they won’t. Its not you it’s me

30 Day Challenge: Day 25

10 ways to win your heart.

I really don’t want to do this one either because I already talked about this or something similar at least. Its funny because I talked to my friend about this before. I really don’t like how the whole “getting to know someone” centers around who a person likes or what type of person a person likes. And I feel like there are way too many of these.

I guess I’ll just have to talk about something different.

or kind of similar.

So 3 things that I REALLY WISH TO ACCOMPLISH!

I really want to be able to DRAW. drawing is awesome. I wish I had more artistic talent. I really like making graphics and stuff. I don’t know, when my friends Lisa and Jin draw something super amazing I get so excited.

I want to be a cooking/baking master. I love food, but food is expensive. And sometimes some people really just don’t get things right…SO WHY NOT MAKE SOME MYSELF. I’m okay I guess but I’m just not that experienced. This is actually something within my reach, well at least I feel like it is. BUT I’m super lazy and I don’t wanna wash pots. And cooking alone is kind of boring. 

I had something else in mind for the last one but I forgot. But I really want to develop a kind of willpower that allows me to get things done. Like…I’m so lazy and I always plan to do stuff or plan to pay attention in class but I never do. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve grown too complacent but it’s been getting worse, my willpower. :(