(Me)h

Suffering

Sun, 05 May 2013 16:07:03 -0400

I like to think of myself as someone who is mature and experienced and whatever. I like to think that I’m wiser and more knowledgeable than most people. But really I’m not. I’m beyond stupid and my work ethnic is terrible. And part of that just stems from the fact that I’ve never developed one to begin with.

I’m a strong believer in the notion that suffering from mistakes or unfortunate events are sometimes the only way to have a person truly understand what they have or what they need to do. A mother bird doesn’t teach a baby bird how to fly, but instead pushes her child off a cliff when she feels like it’s time. The baby bird will, after falling a great distance, spread its wings and soar as if it knew how all along. It may seem cruel but how can a bird learn how to fly if it never experienced the fear of plummeting towards certain death? So how can a person improve if they never feel the need to?

I, as a child, never really had the strict Asian parenting most other Asian children had, but sometimes I wish I did. Because grades were something I chose to pursue on my own, sometimes I was satisfied with something that was clearly not my best. “As long as I’m not the worse” was basically my motto. But that lead to a feeling a complacency. I was almost semi-satisfied or “okay with” the B+’s I got so I never needed to work harder. Cramming the day before or not listening in class was something that I often did. I’ve never experienced the FEAR of failing so I never needed to try harder (or very hard at all).

But after coming to college things became different and I needed to try. Grades mattered and classes were no longer something to scoff at. I can’t just mess around and skip all my classes and still get a B. I’m probably going to fail one of my classes and adding that to my already pitiful grades. My future does not seem very secure.

Sometimes I wish I ended up not getting into UT. That definitely would have been a huge wake up call for me. But no, I was fortunate enough to get in despite being ranked 120 out of 586. 120 out of 586 while most of the kids here are valedictorians of classes of over 1000 people.

I sometimes wish I had suffered more and made more mistakes as a child because learning the lessons now are very very unforgiving.

"Do not fall in love With people like me. people like me will love you so hard that you turn into..."

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 00:26:00 -0400

“Do not fall in love
With people like me.
people like me
will love you so hard
that you turn into stone
into a statue where people
come to marvel at how long
it must have taken to carve
that faraway look into your eyes

Do not fall in love with people like me
we will take you to
museums and parks
and monuments
and kiss you in every beautiful
place so that you can
never go back to them
without tasting us
like blood in your mouth

Do not come any closer.
people like me
are bombs
when our time is up
we will splatter loss
all over your walls
in angry colors
that make you wish
your doorway never
learned our name

do not fall in love
with people like me.
with the lonely ones
we will forget our own names
if it means learning yours
we will make you think
hurricanes are gentle
that pain is a gift
you will get lost
in the desperation
in the longing for something
that is always reaching
but never able to hold

do not fall in love
with people like me.
we will destroy your
apartment
we will throw apologies at you
that shatter on the floor
and cut your feet

we will never learn
how to be soft

we will leave.
we always do.”

-
Do Not Fall in Love With People Like Me (via libera-corpus)

Is it bad?

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 15:42:03 -0400

Is it bad that I feel like the relaxation I feel during weekends is too good to be true? It’s like having a pleasant dream while you’re trapped inside a jail cell. I’ll wake up and be horribly devastated because I’m still in a cell. I sometimes wish there were no weekends at alll because then I won’t feel so horrible on Mondays.

Unimportant things

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 03:27:24 -0400

The calm before my academic storm is the even-worse personal agony storm.

I’m not even mentioning the I-have-to-spend-every-waking-hour-studying storm

Or the summer-plans-disaster storm

Or the housing storm

Unfortunately for me, I don’t have Texas weather. There are no spontaneous bursts of shine for the next month. The forecast predicts severe hurricane warnings with the possibility of an earthquake of sizable magnitude.

shubbabang: In preschool when I was 5, the boys bathroom had to get a ceiling repair so everyone...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 00:18:43 -0400

shubbabang:

In preschool when I was 5, the boys bathroom had to get a ceiling repair so everyone had to use the girls bathroom and when I was in there some kid named Jimmy walked in.

And that was the first time I saw a penis

I had a dream that a doctor told my mom that my whole family had diabetes. …whatdoesthismean...

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 14:46:51 -0400

I had a dream that a doctor told my mom that my whole family had diabetes.

…whatdoesthismean .___.

Purpose.

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 15:56:19 -0400

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure it’s a universal idea that life is usually pretty routine and monotonous. I mean, let’s look at it. A typical university student wakes up at a regulated time and goes to class. In class you either do one of two things: pay attention to the obviously boring lecture because you don’t want to fail or you browse facebook/tumblr the entire time either because this class is clearly below your level of intelligence or you just don’t care. After class you’d either sleep, eat or more class. Then everything starts over again.

So hey. according to those standards my life sucks, which it mainly does.But…. it really shouldn’t because it doesn’t.

Because if our life…is being generalized like this then what is the point. What is the PURPOSE of attending college? Why are we here? So many of us talk about wanting to be successful in a career, wanting to glorify/follow God’s plan, or being able to support the parents that brought us so far. But do we really WANT to do this? Is it really our desire to accomplish these things if we always complain about classes, if we always forgo actually learning in order to get a “good” GPA?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to tell you that we, as students, don’t REALLY want to secure our futures. But we certainly aren’t acting like it. Let’s say you really want to be an accomplished piano player. You’re not going to skip all your private lessons and never practice. Even if your private lessons are hell and practice is painfully boring you keep going because you know why you are doing what you’re doing. But for some reason, as students, we often lose track of our desires. We forget our purpose and we sit on our butts complaining because we forget why we are paying thousands of dollars in order to sit through boring lectures.

But if keep our goals in mind…then each class will stop being a waste of time(for both you and your professor) and become a stepping stone that takes you a bit closer to the future you desire.

tl;dr: I’m going to start actually trying to learn and pay attention in class, you should too, because of reasons.

To generalize it a little bit, remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. Because we often forget. I forget. Then things such as Church, School, other stuff just become something routine, not something you want to do.

PS: how many of you can safely say that you’re accomplishing your hobby/goals as steadily as you’re accomplishing your future?ESPECIALLY exercise.

yeah. thats what I thought.

My liiiifeee.....

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 22:49:35 -0400

I’m really worried about my future. But I don’t do anything about it. Then I proceed to fail all my classes. I’m really good at school guise.

the-absolute-best-gifs: oestranhomundodek Pokémon vs...

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 23:32:07 -0400

the-absolute-best-gifs:

oestranhomundodek

Pokémon vs Zombies

Check out my other Poké gifs here

My lovely followers, please follow this blog immediately!

greatwizardjamesmccrimmon: yaoidog: cefq: cefq: HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO IMAGINE A SKINNY...

Sun, 10 Mar 2013 17:24:08 -0400

greatwizardjamesmccrimmon:

yaoidog:

cefq:

cefq:

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO IMAGINE A SKINNY SNORLAX?

This makes me really uncomfortable

gaksdesigns: All 493+ Pokemon(Old) by OneEyedMe

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 14:21:03 -0500

gaksdesigns:

All 493+ Pokemon(Old) by OneEyedMe

So I haven’t done something this complicated with my knife...

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:15:49 -0500

So I haven’t done something this complicated with my knife before. It’s actually a lot harder than it seems.

And also a lot smaller than it appears (which means it was more difficult. size is inversely proportional to how difficult it is).

It’s about half a sheet of paper. Maybe a little smaller.

anyway I’m really excited about this. I’m gonna make more.

also i messed up a lot. Those stairs are safety hazards.

Photo

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 17:38:20 -0500

Photo

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 17:08:55 -0500

Photo

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 16:15:26 -0500

Never thought I'd be saying this but...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 22:14:00 -0500

i am so done.

as someone else in my class pointed out, “at least i can tell people i got fucked on valentine’s day”

first test of the year. can i just. get my hobo diploma already?

insanelygaming: The Fresh Fish of Bel-Air I whistled for a...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 01:00:22 -0500

insanelygaming:

The Fresh Fish of Bel-Air

I whistled for a bike, excitement I felt,
the kid’s name was “RED” and had some balls on his belt
If anything I could say that he wasn’t with Silph Co.,
But I thought nah, forget it, yo homes, to Sinnoh!

(via dorkly)

aradiamegidork: So Part One of some Pokemon Valentine’s Day...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 00:40:55 -0500

aradiamegidork:

So Part One of some Pokemon Valentine’s Day Cards I put together! Feel free to give them to your friends!

Backgrounds belong to Pokewalls

[Part Two]

aradiamegidork: Part Two of some Pokemon Valentine’s Day Cards...

Thu, 14 Feb 2013 00:40:35 -0500

aradiamegidork:

Part Two of some Pokemon Valentine’s Day Cards I put together! Feel free to give them to your friends!

Backgrounds belong to Pokewalls

[Part One]

I hate my English Class

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 13:27:36 -0500

But honestly, ~~I like it~~ (to an extent). It’s interesting and never before has literature caused me to think this much. But as I was completing my tedious bi weekly readings, I came across a great speech. The speaker highlights the point of perception. How do you think? What do you think about? It is the answer to those questions that define your life.

“There happens to be whole, large parts of adult American life that nobody talks about in commencement speeches. One such part involves boredom, routine, and petty frustration. The parents and older folks here will know all too well what I’m talking about.”

“By way of example, let’s say it’s an average adult day, and you get up in the morning, go to your challenging, white-collar, college-graduate job, and you work hard for eight or ten hours, and at the end of the day you’re tired and somewhat stressed and all you want is to go home and have a good supper and maybe unwind for an hour, and then hit the sack early because, of course, you have to get up the next day and do it all again. But then you remember there’s no food at home….so now after work you have to get in your car and drive to the supermarket. It’s the end of the work day and the traffic is apt to be: very bad. So getting to the store takes way longer than it should, and when you finally get there, the supermarket is very crowded… It’s pretty much the last place you want to be but you can’t just get in and quickly out; you have to wander all over the huge, over-lit store’s confusing aisles to find the stuff you want and you have to maneuver your junky cart through all these other tired, hurried people with carts and eventually you get all your supper supplies, except now it turns out there aren’t enough check-out lanes open even though it’s the end-of-the-day rush. So the checkout line is incredibly long, which is stupid and infuriating. But you can’t take your frustration out on the frantic lady working the register, who is overworked at a job whose daily tedium and meaninglessness surpasses the imagination of any of us here at a prestigious college.”

And, honestly, most of your life will be this meaningless, deary routine. However, you and I, we have a choice. If I want to spend the time I have while I’m wait in lines thinking about “MY hungriness and MY fatigue and MY desire to just get home, it’s going to seem like everybody else is just in my way. And who are all these people in my way? And look at how repulsive most of them are, and how stupid and cow-like and dead-eyed and nonhuman they seem in the checkout line, or at how annoying and rude it is that people are talking loudly on cell phones in the middle of the line. And look at how deeply and personally unfair this is.”

And I’m afraid to say that most of this is me. I can’t control everything. You can’t control everything. Sometimes the only thing we can do is to change the way we think. It may suck, and it may not be your fault. And I don’t seek to tell others how to think, people can do whatever they want. But if we continue to perceive the world as a medium to satisfy our petty desires and instant gratifications, then we’re just going to be incredibly miserable.